Did you know that Stephen Hawking has his own website and that you can contact him here. Neither did I until today. Naturally I felt compelled to write.
Hello Stephen Hawkwind,
my name is Spike Tanner and I have a proposition for you!
I don’t know if you know but next year Marvel Comics plan to release a film based on the character Iron Man.
Now the deal with Iron Man is that he is this dude that makes this kick-ass metal suit so that he can fight crime. Now this got me to a thinking, what if this film is a big hit? What if this film becomes the biggest film of all time? Bigger than Titanic? What if ALL OF PLANET EARTH goes all Doolally about watching films about men in big metal suits?
I think that me and you Stephen should make a film about a man in a metal suit too! Starring YOU! Professor Stephen Hawkwind!
Here’s the pitch:
You Stephen Hawkwind discover a mathematical equation which shows how good can overcome evil FOR EVER. You decide then to banish all evil from the world.
But what motivates you to do this you ask?
Simple, while evil still ravishes planet earth all the earth’s media is clogged up reporting muggings, wars and violence. But if there is no evil then the TV can dedicate their time to discussing your good friend Richard Dawkwinds theories to determine ONCE AND FOR ALL if there is a God.
The film would follow you as you come up with the mathematical equation, show you designing and making your suit and then we’d see you out and about in the suit KICKING SOME MAJOR ASS!
The film would end with a show down between you and trigger happy Norfolk farmer Tony Martin who has somehow managed to resurrect Fred West and Dr Harold Shipman using Voodoo powers he developed listening to Wu-Tang Clan albums in prison. (this would be an allegory about how prison is just a breeding ground for criminals and that what is needed is rehabilitation. We need a sub-plot like this to get the art house crowd in)
Oh I almost forgot the best part, see when ever you kill some bad guy you would always say a really cool physics based quip like
“I’m gonna make you disappear just like Schroedinger’s Cat!”
or
“You want to take a step back, I’m like a Black Hole, you get to close, you disappear!”
What do you reckon? Are you in?
Obviously you will have to finance the whole thing but if you want to do this I could have the final script ready so that we can film it this December when you’re off school for your Christmas holidays.
Regards,
Spike
p.s. I almost forgot, the title of the film? A Brief History Of Pain! pretty badass eh?
