Emailed these nice people about my love of golf!
Hello!
How are you today?
Good I hope:-)
My name is Spike Tanner and I am not long for this world. I am 84 years old, and as you can probably guess my best days are behind me.
In the past few years I have been ticking off ambitions on my “Things to do before I DIE!” list. It has been real good fun let me tell you, I have fed a REAL horse sugar cubes, I have travelled on the Maid Of The Mist at Niagara Falls (although luckily they had turned them off that day otherwise I probably would have caught pneumonia! And Died! LOL!) and I have been a sex tourist in Singapore.
The only thing left on my list to play the full 18 holes at a real nice golfing field and after looking at many on the Internet I would really like that golf course to be yours!
Can you tell me how I may go about booking a ‘round’ of golf at your establishment?
Also I have a few additional requirements which I think I should make you aware of before you book be in for an all expenses paid golfing adventure of a lifetime!
Sadly for me, I temporarily lost the use of my legs during a bit of ‘horseplay’ on my holiday in Singapore. The doctor has advised me to remain in a wheelchair until, as he put it, ‘That shit down there sorts itself out.’
How exactly do you accommodate people in wheelchairs on your golf course? Is it like in bowling where they give you a little ramp to roll the balls down on? Or do you allocate me a man and I give him instructions on how hard and to hit the ball and in what direction?
Also, you will need to provide me with someone to push my wheelchair around the field because, there is NO WAY I’ll have the strength to do it myself. Whoever it is can you make sure they wear plenty of deodorant as I am a fairly hefty chap and anyone lugging me about all day is bound to work up a sweet sweat!
One final thing, I am a Black man and half Muslim, so am I even allowed on your golf course? I know back in the day it was a BIG no no, just wondering if that is still the case? If it is can you give me the name of a good Negroid friendly golfing pitch which will let me play?
Looking forward to hearing back from you!
Love and kisses,
Spike
